Rocks

               Thirty girl campers and five amazing counselors sat in a circle around a candle, listening to one of the deepest devotions that we would hear. That night we talked about how we all have a "rock" or some burden that we carry around, dragging and weighing us down. That rock could be a single event or mistake or something that you worry about everyday. We talked about the rock in our lives and how we need to let go of it. That letting go of it, will be the only way for you to fully enjoy your life. We each grabbed a dirty and bulky rock from the middle of the circle, and thought of what our own rock represented. Some rocks were about friends, divorces, or deaths. Some about alcohol, boys, or family. Other rocks about self hate, suicide, or self harm. Mine about my eating disorder, that held me down each day. Each rock held a deep importance in our lives, a burden that has the power to change each one of us, and a burden that needed to be let go.
           We walked in a line, gripping each other's hands, in the dark silence of a sleeping camp. We lined up at the muddy shore of the river, looking out to the flowing river surrounded by a a million old trees. The only light was the full moon and every star in the clear night sky. We stood in silence looking at a perfect scenery, then heard a prayer for all of our rocks and all of our issues. One by one we threw that heavy rock in the river, letting it go. Some people took longer to let it go, not knowing if they were ready. It took me a while to throw my rock filled with self hate, food, and pain. When I did, I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders, a bigger sense of freedom. A small group of us stayed back, sobbing and hugging. We stood in a circle, and shared each of our rocks, and supported each other. I don't know how long we stood down by that river for, but it was worth it. We all cried and hugged until we had no tears left. That night will always be one of my favorites, not only did I let go of my rock, but I grew closer and became supported by the most amazing girls.

Let it Go

      Sometimes people say or do things that hurt us, and the best choice is to let it go. I realized this today, when I was walking out of six flags. A group of teenage guys and one girlfriend followed behind my friend and I. One of the boys asked me for my number, I said no thanks because I didn't know him. I walked back to my friend and heard one of the boys yell " It's because you are fat"  at me. Due to my knowledge on how much damage that word can be, and my recovery, I couldn't just take that. After a little confrontation with these kids, I walked away. I realized these people didn't know my story, didn't know that is one of the scariest words for me, they were just angry about my rejection. 

         I knew I couldn't let a little comment like that mess up my recovery. Yes, my amazing friends stood up for me, and made sure I knee how wrong they were. But, I had to realize that those kids do not matter, these strangers in a parking lot cannot decide my future or determine my worth. Everyone has incidents where someone says or does something to hurt us, weather intentional or not. We can let that person and what they did bother us and stick with us. Or, we can be the better person who walks away and brushes off whatever hurt us. I know it is so hard to just let someone hurt you, but getting in a fight over it won't make you feel better. You have to believe that whatever was said or done will not make you less of a person. So don't let what others have done bother you, learn to shake off those negative words.